I stood astounded, amazed, and undone…
Upon returning home I read the excerpt written from the walk along experience shared in Part One The Experience.
It was to my amazement that this written was more than an exercise at the “Breathe Conference” in Grand Rapids, October 2017, but I was completely undone when I realized what I thought was an abstract writing sharing my experience was actually a summation of the relationship I had with my late husband. I waited for sometime now before sharing my conclusions, in hopes that with any poetic writings that you might find time to find your own correlations, and applied conclusions to yourselves personally, but since I am the author, today I get the privilege to share with you the insights of my experience, and how it was speaking to me.
My Findings left me standing in awe, completely Undone…
I was merely describing my long lasting relationship with my husband. Although at times marriages can seem old and weary, yet we are left i complacency, like them comfortable old shoes, finally broken in, but never traded in. My it took too much time breaking them in to that perfected comfort, them favorite old sneakers that never seem to fail, nor would you ever dream of replacing. A heartbreaking feeling when its time to put them aside, and finally replacing them. As any marriage it is work, it is dreadful to rid of the old, but it is refreshing to accept the new, and finally accept that change may be the inspiration that you need for a refreshing, a renewal to begin yet a new season in your life.
I was attracted to the perfectionist and the balance that He brought into my life. Not perfect in any human senses but in the natural, in the strength of accepting the good, as well as the strength to continue in the difficult seasons of life. I was the adventurous one that gave little thought but wanted to run and fly, he brought balance to my life much like the anchor of one who is flying the kite. He knew how to navigate the winds, and was gifted at applying the tension and release that would only allow the kite to reach the true potentials represented in the height. Without smothering the freedom and the joys of life that may be expressed in what appears to be the freedom of the kite waving its tail in the height of her achievements. Yet always looking down at the man who in encouraged her, protected her, and gave her the freedom to explore the desires of her own heart. Yes that “her” was me.
He called me, drew me so near to him, it was an energy that consumed me, puzzled me, but left me curious and seeking to learn, who is this man, that could cause me to love this way, want to live this way, and help me to survive and then to thrive. He definitely was the rock of our home the stability, and traditions of family dinners, the holiday togetherness that kept us all glued together.
When we first met we talked and communicated with one another, repairing the breaches of my past, and showing me the delight and love that I had overlooked. Yet so decent and in perfect timing he taught my to love and enjoy my family all that I missed through my lives own rivers flow, he showed me the appreciation of the rhythmic waves. When all I felt was the turmoil, the push and pull, the hard work and growing pains. He revealed the fluency the good life that family brings. All the goodness that I somehow overlooked.
I remember when we were first married as our boundaries were being set. I often hollered don’t forget I. When your gonna work late, please call, remember the reason you bought them golf clubs were for you and I.
We had developed a song a dance a rhythm that was not set upon trending times, but a lasting relationship, and a joyful commitment, while we were busy during the week engaged in our own routines yet we always came together during the weekends. To reengage in family chores, and good times. I remember his gentle ways that brought me comfort, belonging and strength, it was a good reminder that he was always there like the gentle grass resting upon my legs. Always supporting, encouraging, but with wisdom drawing the line when it was solely my choice to be made.
The comfort of the hard cold winds when I was still working yet coping with the hardships of a disability. I had to learn a new life with new tolerances and limitations, and without him I could not even survive, nor live for surely I thought it was I that would die. It was than I had realized I was totally responsible for my own life, and in that I was solely alone for the very first time.
A time of reminiscing about all that I had, all that I was, and all that I’ve become. Suddenly approaching the swans it must of been divine Remembering my husband telling me I most go on, I must not give in, there are so many I need to reach,they need my help, but I, I can not go with you I am to weak, my faith is not strong, but you must go for you’ve been called. Chris I know now yet far or near you are still routing me on. You will not let me forget my call, the life we’ve shared. The children we’ve raised, and that I must go on. Though easier said than done, you were the one that led me to God to “Breathe” and this I will remember as I carry on, all that you’ve taught me, all that you’ve helped me to become. I will always remember you in the footprints of my life. Knowing that you are still here cheering me on, every step of the way, so how can I say no, when like Christ you gave it all for me. This I will never understand, a hard concept to swallow or accept, but for you my love, I will give it my best. Trusting that God will send I where ever that may be. It is there I will remember you on that noon day You’ve been a true delight.
Written by Nancy Richards©Chains of Hope-All Rights Reserved©2018